A note from the author: Few people realize what is waiting for them days, weeks, months, and even years after a loss. It’s strange how others attend the funeral and then quickly move on with their lives. That is not the case for close family members. To survive they need fresh air, fresh surroundings, and certainly, fresh hope. So, let’s tackle loss and loneliness with some fresh ideas. ~ Sarah Jane

1.  Defining A Survivor: What does that look like?

“A person alive after an event in which others have died,” is how the Oxford Dictionary defines a survivor. The word alive is quite an optimistic description of a person who feels so much not alive after a tragic event. It is true when someone we love dies, our emotions can range from total numbness to having no desire to live, or perhaps even considering suicide. I think rather than using the word alive, the person could better be defined as “someone still breathing,” and even that is a bit of a stretch.

The word aloneness brings its own mixed bag of emotions as well. Survivors often crave to be alone; yet in attempting to live again, they find themselves alone much of the time. That is where God’s promise to never leave us or forsake us is a powerful antidote to the rejection one feels who has survived, even though they may wish they hadn’t. Antidote means a cure, a remedy, or a solution. Isn’t that we are searching for—a way to break the grief and sorrow off our lives? How would you describe what needs to be broken off your own life—the thing for which you most need an antidote? (This doesn’t have to be about the loss of a loved one.)

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2. We Are Not Alone In Our Grief

For our scripture reading, we are going to start with a story found in the book of Ruth, a small four-chapter book sandwiched between Judges and 1 Samuel. Let’s begin with Ruth 1:1-5.

Ruth 1:1 ~ In the days when the judges ruled in Israel, a severe famine came upon the land. So a man from Bethlehem in Judah left his home and went to live in the country of Moab, taking his wife and two sons with him. 2 The man’s name was Elimelech, and his wife was Naomi. Their two sons were Mahlon and Kilion…. And when they reached Moab, they settled there. 3 Then Elimelech died, and Naomi was left with her two sons. 4 The two sons married Moabite women. One married a woman named Orpah, and the other a woman named Ruth. But about ten years later, 5 both Mahlon and Kilion died. This left Naomi alone, without her two sons or her husband.

For starters, do you see why Naomi might feel “not alive” and “alone?” How does one lose their entire family in just five short verses? Certainly, Naomi had a full license to grieve, feel sorry for herself, and have no desire to live. But a child of God is never without hope. God always has a plan and Noami’s story will prove that to us.

The full story is contained within the four chapters of the book of Ruth, and it is well worth reading. However, I am going to point out a few choice verses that helps us gain an understanding of the pain and grief that gripped Naomi’s heart.

Ruth 1:6-13 ~ Then Naomi heard in Moab that the Lord had blessed his people in Judah by giving them good crops again. So Naomi and her daughters-in-law got ready to leave Moab to return to her homeland…. 8 But on the way, Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, “Go back to your mothers’ homes….9 May the Lord bless you with the security of another marriage”.…13 Things are far more bitter for me than for you, because the Lord himself has raised his fist against me.”

Orpah takes Naomi’s advice and returns to her family back in Moab. But Ruth commits to going on to Judah to be Naomi’s family and serve Naomi’s God.

Ruth 1:19-21~ So the two of them continued on their journey. When they came to Bethlehem, the entire town was excited by their arrival. “Is it really Naomi?” the women asked. 20 “Don’t call me Naomi,” she responded. “Instead, call me Mara, for the Almighty has made life very bitter for me. 21 I went away full, but the Lord has brought me home empty. Why call me Naomi when the Lord has caused me to suffer and the Almighty has sent such tragedy upon me?”

Is it just me, or do you hear hopelessness in Naomi’s words? What else do you hear?

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I truly feel her grief and believe that she is burdened down with it. Could we safely say that Naomi needs an antidote? __________

As you finish reading this beautiful story of Naomi and Ruth, you will discover that God absolutely had an antidote awaiting Naomi in her homeland. God’s plan included a family-redeemer or kinsman-redeemer named Boaz who buys the land owned by Naomi’s husband from her. Along with redeeming the land, he was required to marry Ruth. Naomi soon has a grandson, Obed, sitting on her lap that she cared for as her own. He grew up to become the father of Jesse, who was the father of King David. In short, Naomi’s grandson was in the royal lineage of Jesus. I think it is safe to say that Naomi was indeed a survivor!

3. What To Do When God Goes Silent

The devastation that occurred in Naomi’s life may have been told in five short verses of scripture, but her story played out in real time as years upon years of sadness, sorrow and lack of hope. Perhaps our trials in life will never be anything like what Naomi endured, but we will have our share because Jesus Himself told us clearly, “In this world you will have tribulation.”

For me personally, I struggle the most when it seems as though God goes silent and I am left to handle things by faith and trust alone (as if those two aren’t mighty weapons in our arsenal). I suppose that we all prefer for God to hold our hand, put His arm around our shoulder and say, “Come to me and I’ll fix all of this for you.” But that is not how it works in this world. Faith and trust are great companions, yet they don’t always include the warm fuzzy feelings we’d like to have.

If you are a fan of the Devotional Book “Jesus Calling,” by Sarah Young, you are well acquainted with reading words that are written as though God Himself said them. I want to use that same “first person” approach with the following paragraph. My goal is that you can hear what God would say directly to you about feelings.

“My Child, feelings come and go. They are subject to good days and bad days, sunshine and rain, life and death, wealth and poverty. Yet, My Word is not subject to anything. My Word will stand forever and you can trust it throughout all eternity. So don’t try to tie me down to responding to your feelings. I respond to those who know My name, hear My voice, and trust that I will do what I say I will do. Feelings are not a part of the walking-by-faith process. Trust must always be your response, even to My silence. We can work together with that combination: My trustworthiness and your trust in Me.” ~ God

I hope that this paragraph spoke clearly to your heart, because there are powerful truths within it. Feelings, especially good ones, have their place; yet they are never a good measuring stick for how God deals with His children.

4. Becoming A Survivor Is Always a Choice

The most helpful thing we can do for someone struggling to survive the aftermath of tragedy (including yourself) is to give them hope. We must all have hope, even in small things. Hope that the sun will come up tomorrow. Hope that this too will pass. Hope that God cares about me. God’s Word is full of hope and we can share it in tender, loving ways. We can all encourage one another with hope.

God doesn’t call all of us to be counselors, but He does call all of us to be encouragers. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, “So encourage each other and build each other up….” Being an encourager is our role in the lives of our brothers and sisters in Christ. We can also encourage ourselves, which will be covered in Chapter 9.

Giving hope and encouragement doesn’t have to be expensive, because in reality, what hurting and lonely people need most is love, friendship, and compassion. Understanding someone’s condition of loss and loneliness is the greatest gift you can ever give to them. And, remember to give yourself some compassion, too!

List some of the ways we can bring hope and encouragement to each other. While prayer is certainly a good answer, let’s try to think outside the box of our ordinary ideas. Remember, God has a reputation of goodness. Psalm 23:6 says, “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life….” What might you pull out of God’s storehouse of good things to give to a lost and lonely soul? Who knows, your fresh idea might trigger an antidote for their life!

A few examples are listed here, but add your own thoughts and ideas to the list.

1) Take a depressed friend for a day out, or order lunch for the two of you and take it to their home to share it together.

2) Invite a lonely friend to share in your own family’s holiday celebration. They may not come, but at least they will have felt included.

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Whatever you do, do it with the love of Jesus as your source. You can’t go wrong when you listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit and include Him in your plans.

If you are the person who is hurting or lonely, encouraging another hurting or lonely friend can be the best therapy you could ask for. Try it, and see what the Holy Spirit does in YOU. And when you give hope and encouragement to others, you take being a survivor to a whole new level!

Prayer: Heavenly Father, I am so thankful that you care deeply about me and my needs, as well as all hurting people everywhere. I want to be a survivor, and today I choose to be a survivor. I want to be an encourager to others, and I ask your Holy Spirit to guide me as I develop a plan to reach out and help someone else. In Jesus’ Name, I pray. Amen.